Ordinary Heroics

This weekend I had the privilege of attending UW-Whitewater’s winter graduation.  I had to wake up at 5 am to get there in time. I sat with my sister and grandparents for 3 hours while countless names were read. All of these people had worked hard to achieve at least a step in their goals, graduating with a master’s or bachelor’s degrees. This should have excited me, and to some degree it did, but to be honest I was bored.  

Until my mom’s name was read.

My mom being silly, but in cap in gown!

Because that Saturday was not about me. Or my sleep deprivation. Or my preferences. It was about my mom. 

My mom started college at UW-Whitewater right after high school. She even took several gen. ed. type college classes in high school (something that was not as common then as it is now). My mom was smart with a bright future. She grew up in the business world – my grandparents owned their own shoe store for over 40 years. My grandfather has always been entrepreneurial, and that is the world in which my mother was raised. 

My mom did pretty well in college for three years. She got good and bad grades and was on track to graduate with a degree in Business in four years. However, she fell in love and got married the summer before her senior year of college. The agreement always was that she would finish college, maybe not immediately, but soon. 

Twenty years later my father left my mom. My mom still had not taken even a single class since she left college. It was never in the plans in my father’s mind. However, even as a little kid I can remember my mom looking up information on nearby community college almost yearly.

When my parents divorced my mother was devastated, but rather than let devastation run her life my mother decided to take the biggest risk of all – she went back to school. The fall that I started college, so did my mom. At that time my mom only had a part-time job, was just beginning to learn how to be a single parent and was really struggling to make sure that ends would meet. For the past three years my mother has managed to maintain a nearly full-time job, run her household independently, parent my sister and me, and get great grades in her classes.  While this sort of balancing is extremely difficult my mother has done it with grace. And to think what I complain about having to manage.

After 25 years of being out of the classroom, my mom went back to college and took online classes. At first she was terrified and really struggled with format and her own uncertainty. However, throughout the past three years my mom has gained confidence in herself, knowledge and a degree. Throughout all of this my mom never lost track of her priorities, or her goals. She still made every effort to put my sister and me first. She knew that she wanted to complete her degree so that she could get a better job to help my sister and me. More than that, she wanted to prove it to herself and everyone who thought education just was not in the plans or worth it – that she could. 

Graduation is time when people start talking about defying the odds. Many people never make it to graduation. The student speaker as well as the keynote address at the graduation ceremony both discussed defying the odds. This is exactly what my mom did. 

Against all odds, my mom decided to go back to school.
Against all odds, my mom defeated and conquered her own fears and feelings of inadequacy.
Against all odds, my mom balanced the important aspects of her life and made time for school.
Against all odds, my mom actually got better grades when she returned to school than she did the first time, and better grades than many of the more ‘traditional’ students. 

28 years after first starting her college career my mother has finally achieved her goals. She has earned a BA in Business. She is now the manager of a retail store, with possibility for upward movement.

My mom with her diploma!

Moral of the story: My mom is a super hero.  I don’t know that I have ever been prouder of someone, and I don’t know that I ever will be.

It is important for all of us to recognize the ‘ordinary’ heroics. It is the only way beauty and greatness will rise from the ashes. 

Even though this is a relatively serious blog and a relatively serious day, my family can only handle serious-ness for so long. My sister decided the appropriate solution for being bored and hungry was to start by biting on my mom's graduation gown!

Busy-ness is an Illusion

You read that right. Busy-ness is an illusion. More than ironic a few days before finals week hits and I’ve been talking about how busy I am, but it is true. And it is something I have been saying for quite some time.

 Sure we all have things we HAVE to do. The uncompromised-able aspects of lives, and often these keep us busy. However, we make choices, and our choices make-up our priorities either intentionally or inadvertently. These choices are our busy-ness, not the other way around. For example, I am currently choosing to write this blog rather than a paper on Frankenstein. You are choosing to read this blog rather than something else. 

But that is just it. We all make choices that we must then live by their repercussions. I, for example, will be up late writing a paper on Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley’s novel, because I made the CHOICE to procrastinate (or enlighten, depending on your view).  There are some things in life that have to be priorities, these things change with time. For me now my priorities with my time have to be homework, and Spencer. Relationships need time invested in them (for more on this hold tight, I have a blog in the works…aka in my mind). This means I have to sacrifice other parts of my life and make choices to make these things my priority. 

Okay okay okay, so priorities are choices, but what does this realistically mean?
It means that when a friend (or really anyone) asks you to hang out and you say “No, I’m busy.”  What you are really saying is you are not my priority. While there are times this simply has to be the case. I haven’t seen some of my friends lately, because it is almost finals week and school is kicking my butt. For me school needs to be a priority right now, as is likely for anyone who has student status right now. 

More often though, we are really trying to make ourselves feel better about saying “no” to someone. We are busy the to-do list goes on forever. NEWSFLASH: from all the data I’ve gathered the ‘to-do’ list goes on throughout life. If you don’t prioritize people who matter now you never will. We are not too busy for people, or certain activities they just are not as important to us.

There is nothing inherently wrong with this. It is just a fact of life. We cannot conceivably do everything that is asked of us always. But at the same time we need to be honest with ourselves and others. We need to think through our priorities. Are they in the right place? Do they need re-evaluation?

This also means being careful. Making a promise to someone that you are then “too busy” to follow through on, then means that you do not value the other person, the promise, or your word. Is that really how you want to live? Be seen? Act?

“Action expresses priorities” …and value.

Introductions, Hamlet and Peer Pressure.

Welcome!

So this is my blog. duh. I have a few friends who have been telling me to get a blog for quite some time and one fateful night while procrastinating my inevitable pile of homework, I caved. And voila!

The title of the blog comes from one of Shakespeare's most fascinating plays: Hamlet. Hamlet explains to Horatio that there is more in heaven and earth than he could possibly dream of in his philosophy. While Hamlet was being a touch facetious (which I never am), I think this is an important insight we all need to recognize: there is so much more to life than we often realize. Opening our eyes to new experiences and ideas causes us see beauty in new ways.

I am opinionated, and often in ways that are controversial. In this blog I will tell you what I’m thinking, honestly (at least mostly). If you are unwilling to think differently or be challenged this may not be the blog for you. I’m always up for a challenge if you have them, but if you are here to critique for the sake of it, please move along. Let’s move past the facades that we usually put up and really discuss life and the messiness, beauty, grace and redemption that can be found in both the sacred and profane.

If I haven’t scared you off by this point, travel with me on my journey. As I navigate college, papers, literature, love, grad school and life in its fullness.

Cyndi

"I perceive from the whole tenor of your reflections, that you have a moral antipathy to reason." Mary Wollstonecraft