For many months I’ve been thinking that when I figure this
out I can write about it. Then I will be able to share my insights and
realizations. Once I’m healed I will create. But we don’t need to be healed to
create, or have insights.
It is not after healing that we create. It is through
creating we heal.
Seems obvious put that way. But all too often I find myself
intentionally not creating because I don’t know where it will lead. Creating in the midst of struggle often helps
us make sense of the scattered pieces, or at least orders them.Creating in the midst of heartbreak can help us grieve.
Creating in the midst can help us understand.
We don’t always find the answers on our own. And we don’t always
find them through our creations, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worthwhile.
In fact, I was reading a post by singer/poet Mary Lambert in which she discusses one of my current
favorite poems Body Love (check out this poem, seriously). About the poem she writes:
“I binge ate, cut myself, slept with whoever validated me,
and drank to oblivion. I made a vow at 21, when I wrote the final edit of the
poem, “Body Love” that my self-destructive behavior would end with the
birth of this writing.”
Up until I read this I assumed it would have been the other
way around. After she had healed from past pain, was healthy and able to fully
accept herself that only then she would be able to write this poem.
We can heal through art, whether we create it or see it. Art
can heal. I don’t know that we ever entirely heal from anything. But that doesn’t
mean we shouldn’t continue to try. To create to find ourselves and the lessons
we may not have been able to realize without the help of our own characters.
Who teaches characters anyway? Do we as authors teach them
their lessons, or do they teach us?
I often compliment poetry, music, and other art because it
feels so raw and vulnerable. But I am often unwilling to create when I am
feeling those same things. I don’t want to show the cracks in the façade I wear.
Maybe I need to allow myself to find
peace, epiphany or even beauty through the mess.
Beauty comes from pain, but the pain needn’t be over to see
the pain.
We are all broken. I will probably never stop being broken.
That should be more motivation to create, be raw and authentic, not less.
“We have to create. It is the only thing louder than
destruction”
Yellowbird by Andrea Gibson
